Chat
  • Him: Good god, look at you. You look like you're ready to go hunting and gathering. And then go feed the village children.
  • Him: You look like National Geographic.
  • Him: I'm gonna need you to go out there and get some nuts and berries.
  • Him: I'll check ya later, Dances With Wolves!
  • (So I have this super soft men's robe on from Target. I'm naked as per usual underneath. But I've been cold/hot so I don't have the my arms in the sleeves, but covering the rest of my body. See this pic for reference - 9gag.com/gag/1803968)
Quote

"I have my own Topless Asian Sweatshop Joint Roller"

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Chat
  • Him: Honey?!
  • Me: Yeah?
  • Him: I think we should kill Milo, take his fur and make a coat for Winston.
  • Me: ... I think Winston has enough fur and fat to keep him warm. So.. No.
  • Him: ...(pause)... I wasn't expecting a logical and reasonable response to that. "I think we should go on a killing spree. Nah, we don't have enough gas for that..."
Quote

"Get out of the way ugly. True beauty coming through."

- I was standing in front of the mirror and Dan says this to me. He was in such a great mood this morning. Probably because his old pants fit. Lol
Chat
  • Dan: I love it when you say, "let's listen to Judas Priest", while grinding up weed and naked. And you think you got ME trained. Heh.
  • Me: (slow realization) .... Heyyy waaaaaait a minute. 😦
Chat
  • Dan: Did you fart or is that my breath?
  • Me: Definitely your breath.
  • Dan: Poop mouth.
Text

Not gonna lie, seeing people’s failed relationships makes me feel better of my marriage. Bahah.

Chat
  • Dan: (playing online chess) Can I ever win a fucking game?!
  • Me: No. Because you suck.
  • Dan: I'm gonna punch you in your ovaries.
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I have Mondays off. Woke up at 4PM and felt the need to clean while he was at work. Did the dishes, vacuumed straightened up the rooms, made dinner, etc. Wifey material fo sho.

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I’m starting to get really good at trolling my husband. Muwahahah